An open letter to parents, part 2

Many years after the events that are the subject of Part 1, I wrote and acted the following for a university production about sexual abuse issues. After I left the troupe they included it in a couple more shows, and I had a chance to watch it as an audience member. It seems appropriate to share it here.
 

HEALING

(They start out standing next to each other but both facing audience,.

Mother: I hardly recognize her.

Daughter: I hardly recognize myself.

Mother: It seemed to come out of nowhere...

Daughter: Nowhere.

Mother: because it’s now a year since it happened...and I didn’t even know it had happened at all.

Daughter: How could she know when I didn’t know myself ... until the flashbacks started.

Mother: I thought she was so content... No, more than that. So happy. Motivated. All of a sudden she became the poster girl of positive mental attitude.  I was so pleased.Now I think what I was seeing was her denial, her defense against her own memory..

Daughter: I thought I was responsible for it happening ...

Mother: But she seemed so happy.

Daughter: and had to make it go away ...

Mother: No problems at all.

Daugther: and it did go away ... until the flashbacks started.

Mother: How could I not have known something was wrong?  Such an abrupt change in behavior. Regardless of the direction of that change, how could I not have suspected ... something?

Daughter: The next day ...

Mother: There must have been a sign...

Daughter:  I had already forgotten ...

Mother: something.  I should have seen...

Daughter: made myself forget...

Mother: should have sensed...

Daughter: made it never have happened...

Mother: something.

Daughter: even while it was happening.

Mother: Something.

Daughter: I could not let myself believe it.

Mother: And now I hardly recognize her.

Daughter: And now I can’t stop remembering...

Mother: It’s like she’s been turned inside out.  She doesn’t go to work, doesn’t care how she looks ...

Daughter: and I can’t think of anything else.

Mother: ... and she might be on something. I don’t know how tohandle... I have to get her to someone...

Daughter: I just want to forget again.

Mother: Someone who will know what to do, someone she can talk to...

Daughter: I can’t talk about it.

Mother: someone who can draw it out of her...

Daughter: If I start, I won’t be able to stop.  It will all come pouring out...

Mother: Like poison from a wound.

Daughter: Like poison from a wound.

Mother: (to daughter) Please, get help.

Daughter: I can’t face it.

Mother: It was not your fault.

Daughter: I feel so dirty.

Mother: You did not ask for it.

Daughter: I just want to forget

Mother: Remember.

Daughter: Any way I can.

Mother: Remember.

Daughter: It never happened.

Mother: Talk.

Daughter: I can’t.

Mother: Heal.

Daughter: (to the mother) I’m afraid.

Mother: Believe it.

Daughter: I don’t know.

Mother: Believe it.

Daughter: If I let it out?

Mother: Yes.

Daughter: If I ask for help?

Mother: Yes.

Daughter: If I remember?

Mother: It will lose it’s power.

Daughter: Healing will begin?

Mother:  Yes.

Daughter: (facing audience) How can I begin to say it all, out loud, to anyone?

Mother: (facing audience) It will be so hard ...

Daughter: I can’t do it.

Mother: But not talking about it, pretending it didn’t happen, pretending to forget ...

Daughter: What else can I do?

Mother:... will keep it right there, right inside you, like poison in a wound.

Daughter: Like poison in a wound.

Mother: (facing daughter) Remember.

Daughter: Any way I can.

Mother: Remember.

Daughter: It never happened.

Mother: Talk.

Daughter: I can’t.

Mother: Heal.

Daughter: (to the mother) I’m afraid.

Mother: Believe it.

Daughter: I don’t know.

Mother: Believe it.

Daughter: If I let it out?

Mother: Yes.

Daughter: If I ask for help?

Mother: Yes.

Daughter: If I remember?

Mother: It will lose it’s power.

Daughter: Healing will begin.

Mother: (facing audience) Yes.

Daughter: (facing audience) Yes.